You know what feels good? Coming out from behind my glasses without worrying that people will notice bare patches on my eyelids.
All of my eyelashes are grown back in, and hopefuly, they’re going to stay that way. I don’t have to avoid mascara and use my eyeliner on the bald patches to make it less noticeable.
Hell, I didn’t really need to use the eyeliner in the first place. No one ever noticed if I wore my glasses, leaving my contacts unused. My black-rimmed glasses kept the focus away from my actual eyes, something I loved.
The only thing I hated about that was hiding my eyes (yes, I know I contradicted myself, but just let me explain). All of my life, mostly before the pulling began, I was told that I had gorgeous blue eyes. Nowadays, people don’t even noticed. “They’re blue,” said one of my friends after squinting his eyes. For some reason, we were discussing eye color. So I took off my glasses and his eyes widened. “Holy crap, your eyes are really blue.”
I miss being able to show them off. Now that I am comfortable with my eyes, I can! I might even buy some new mascara. I normally wear the clear kind because when I do have patches missing, black mascara really makes it more noticeable.
But, now that my eyes are doing well, my scalp just gets more and more appealing. Today was my sister’s baccalaureate and I wore a white hippie dress. I had to wear my hair up to cover a balding patch. Ugh.
Trichotillomania sucks, and anyone who has it has my sympathies. Sometimes, I wish I was the only person going through this, because I know exactly how the others feel and I wish they didn’t have to.
That’s all for now, I guess.
-TT
